My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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