maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
