i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
