SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
