Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
