Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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