mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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