I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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