When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
