Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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