I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
