You made me cry and you don't even care
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
