Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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