Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
