): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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