My room smells like vodka and shame
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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