I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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