this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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