My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
