Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
