Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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