Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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