my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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