Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
