A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
