Your dad touched me again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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