Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
vagina is talking i cant
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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