Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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