So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
