I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
