she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
