I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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