woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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