yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
