I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
