Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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