I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
