i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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