12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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