Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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