my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize