Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
