Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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