Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
