My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
