we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
