I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
