i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
