so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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