Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
