Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
