Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
