dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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