Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
