i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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