just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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