i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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