You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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