I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
