I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
