i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
