I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
