I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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