i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
