shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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