If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
