Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
wat bout pragnant strippers??
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You took a bar mat shot.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
