she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
