So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
