If i come over, it means nothing
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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