So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
