I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i would punch a child for taco bell
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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